What Am I Doing?

Tuesday, 3/23/10, 5:15pm
W Train in Soho heading southbound to Wall St. in New York City

Dear World,

Today on my hurrily way back to work, I stumbled upon a middle-aged Italian man. He had a grey blazer on with black worn out pants drooping over his brown leather shoes. Just another person I presumed. So I obliviously dashed my way pass him to get into the W subway train from Soho as if that second really made a difference in how early I was going to be to work. I was not even late; however, I had no idea why I was in such a tremendous rush. I guess New York City is subtly grabbing me into its tight, quenching grasp.
As I was just about to sit down, he said something, in broken English to me from the platform. I couldn't quite make it out but I focused my attention on him and his three-level wheeling plastic food cart. He needed help carrying it onto the train he somehow signaled. It must be heavy I thought. So I ran over - knowing how every second counts with how sporadic subway train doors open and close - to help him. I waved him to go into the train as I picked it up with both arms. We sat across from each other and he looked at me, with his bushy dark eyebrows and gratifying eyes, nodded, and said in the clearest English he possibly could, "Thank you."
I smiled. After about two stops, he looks at me and asks again in his broken English if I was getting off of the last stop, White Ferry. I told him no and that I was to get off at the one right before, Rector St. He then nods, gives me a thumbs up and said "thank you" once more. As the train was coming to my stop, I got up and felt his fixated eyes on me, following me and piercing through my brown sweater like a chef's steak knife slicing through an unripe tomato as I made my way to the sliding doors.
"Okay" I told myself.
It's only 5:20pm, I have time to bring this up to street and hop back on the train, if not, I guess that would be my cardiovascular sprint for the day.
So I walked over to him, asked him for his name and shook his hand. It was warm, soft; however, not too affirmative. It made me wonder the kind of life he has been through.
"I'll help you carry it upstairs," I said.
He gave me the thumbs up again and continued to thank me. It's just a cart, no biggie and it's only stairs after all. Well you know that saying that goes something like "you give someone an inch and they take a foot?" Well this man, did just that and more. After carrying it up five flights of stairs onto the street from the subway at White Ferry station at the southern tip of Manhattan, I told him I had to run. Nonetheless, he pointed towards the ferry station, insisting that he needed me to carry it to the ferry. I looked at him, checked my clock, 5:24pm and forced out a smile.
"Alright old man, I am here, I might as well," I told myself.
So here I am, most likely going to be late to meeting with one of my clients now, pushing and carrying a food cart to the ferry. Not a bad way to experience downtown Manhattan I thought, as a bum. I quickly ran it up the stairs to the top of the escalators leading to the checkpoint of the ferry, looked back, and the man was nowhere to be found. After about 2 minutes, I saw his bushy eyebrows and gratifying eyes moving up the escalator.
"This man is killing me!" I sighed out in disbelief.
After what seemed like a decade, he finally reached the top of the escalator.
"I have to go" I calmly exclaimed.
"Thank you my son," he said as he pulled my handshake towards him, kissed me on the forehead, gave me an akward fatherly hug and bidded me goodbye.
I felt momentarily stunned as he advised me to make haste. I rushed down the stairs, ran to the entrance doors, looked back and there he was still looking in my direction.
"Goodbye" I whispered.
I started running back as quickly to Wall St as I could as the rain started to come down. About midway back to work, I stopped, thought to myself,
"Why am I rushing again?"
"What am I doing?"
Sure training my client was important, but I just helped someone and it made my day, it made me feel alive again; it was a feeling I have recently been heavily distracted from. Even if I was a few minutes late, it would have been for a good cause and that to me was worth it. It was worth it to feel like I really existed as a human being within this world and not just another number branded on another cattle within our societal flock. It was worth it to me to be reminded that I have been wasting my time and I now need to get my act together, once and for all. The world needs help, I have the capacity and compassion to make a big change, so what am I doing? Why have I been wasting my time?

-A12